The Search For Myself

i am a 28 year old mother of 2 and wife of 1. over the years i’ve tried many different things to get in shape and lose weight, but ultimately nothing stuck. i went through phases where i used an elliptical regularly at home, i’ve done Tae bo, Pilates, and diets. sometimes it worked… but none of it found a permanent place in my life.

my weight has varied throughout the years, with my heaviest non-pregnancy weight being 145 lbs. through 17 months of breastfeeding my youngest child, i managed to slim down to my ideal weight. (5’7″ less than 130lbs)

my childbearing days are over, and my body is all mine here on out. my goal is to find a workout program that i can be happy with. i need a program that will help me find my center. i want to feel relaxed, and flexible. i want to live my remaining days physically healthy and strong- and to do that i need to find myself, and my inner fitness-goddess.

the problem? i hate working out. i hate sweating and panting and the feel of my heart racing.

i am the quiet type… i like to sit in big comfortable chairs, read good books, and drink hot tea and eat chocolates. sweating my tits off for the sake of an adreneline rush does not appeal to me.

for the past 7 months i’ve been riding my bicycle on a stationary trainer in the house. because of that whole “mom” thing, i only have about an hour during the day in which my youngest naps, and i am free to do something that i can’t do while i have a child to keep an eye on. because of that, i’ve beenl riding for 30 minutes every other day. by the time my 30 minute ride is up and i get a shower, the baby wakes up just as i’m running a brush through my wet hair.

cycling has done wonders for my body and my energy levels. my legs and ass are toning up like i’ve never seen them before, and i have much more energy to get things done around the house, when my legs don’t feel like jelly. when i exercise on my bicycle, it helps me control my junk food habit. after all, what’s the point in riding if i’m just going to eat a donut for dessert???

the only problem with my riding, is that while my heart is pumping, my pores are sweating, and my muscles are firming, i am also stiffening up considerably. i’ve always been very inflexible, and since i’ve begun riding it’s gotten much worse. i obviously need to fit some sort of flexibility training into my daily workout routine, but what will i do? it took me years to finally come to cycling as the perfect solution to getting my cardio in… i don’t have years to find a flexibility program that works.

i originally wanted to implement some sort of dance routine that would workout the muscle groups that my cycling is missing (mainly my abs) and help me loosen up in the process, but ultimately i’ve come to realize that i just don’t have the personality to do that. i feel like an utter moron, even when nobody’s watching, while i’m inexpertly dancing in the middle of my living room floor to some idiotic aerobics dance program. scratch the dance.

on a whim, i recorded some Yoga shows from the Fitness Channel on my television. i’ve never really considered Yoga to be a viable workout routine for myself… first of all, in the US it’s become a fad, and i absolutely hate following the crowd and doing something just because everybody else is. i don’t want to become one of those pretentious yuppies that walk around talking about their Yoga classes and their organic salads all the time. but, still i need something, and Yoga ultimately seems like the ideal choice to reach my goals… firm my muscles, while increasing flexibility. i also have issues with anxiety and stress, so if it works as meditation and helps me find my calm center, then that’s even better.

i gave the television program a chance, and i can honestly say that it changed my life. the program is called Namaste Yoga, and it was very different from all the dvds i’ve tried. the moves aren’t too complicated, yet still challenging and they flow from move to move in a manner that feels natural and comfortable. i still don’t feel comfortable doing it in front of anybody else, but my sense of inner peace when i completed the first set of poses was incredible.

i am going to try to implement at least 30 minutes of Yoga into every day after my daughter goes to bed. it won’t be easy… when my husband is home, he commands the television, and my son goes to bed a little later. i also feel a little foolish doing all the prayer postures and slow exaggerated breathing and movements, but i think that’s just something i’m going to have to get over. it’s just stupid to feel stupid.

so that’s what it is for now… cycling and yoga. there is a yoga class at my local Y on thurdays that i am going to try to make, but i don’t know what to expect. it’s an hour and fifteen minutes long, and they don’t separate the “advanced” from the “beginner”. we’re paying for the Y membership, though, so i’ll give at least one class a chance. if it doesn’t work, i can always just swim laps around the pool instead. đŸ™‚



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