A Note About Corpse Pose

Dear Yoga Instructor,

Your class is great. Really, it is. When I left, my legs felt weak and although I hadn’t broken a sweat, I still got a good core workout. I am writing you today to please ask you to change something in your class. In the end, when we’re supposed to be relaxing, please don’t make a big deal of the “Corpse Pose”. Yes, it is called Corpse Pose, so I can completely understand you calling it that, but please don’t elaborate.

Saying “Now we relax into Corpse Pose. We honor what once was, but is no more” does NOT help me relax. Sure, it sounds all “zen” and stuff, but it’s depressing. Honestly, who the hell wants to think about death when they’re trying to relax?

When you said that to me during class today, my first general thought was “OMG she’s talking about death.” Then my thoughts moved forward as follows:

Ugh. someday i’m going to be dead.

I wonder if I’ll be old?

Geez, someday in the unforseeable future someone is going to poke and prod my cold, dead body and burn me to a crisp.

It’ll be like I never was.

I wonder if I will go in a dignified manner.

I hope it’s not messy.

Yuck, I hope it doesn’t hurt.

I hope it isn’t any time soon.

I really hate it when people die.

It’s so sad. It just isn’t fair sometimes.

Then you instructed us to roll over onto our right sides into a half-fetal position. You asked us to hold onto the thoughts and feelings we currently have. Maybe you thought I would be thinking relaxing thoughts, but your whole mention of death kind of ruined it for me.

Now instead of feeling refreshed and energized at the end of class, I feel hopelessly depressed due to my contemplation of my and my loved ones ultimate mortality.

Thanks a lot.

Let’s not try and repeat that next week, okay?

I have enough emotional issues already without you slipping thoughts of death into my brain.

Thank you for your time,

Nobody.

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