1 Step Forward, 5 Steps Back.

where is Spring? where is the warm weather, and the fitness motivation??? WHERE?!?! I am so tired of being cold. also, i am tired of being out of shape. the last several weeks, i’ve done what i can to get back up to fitness…. but something ALWAYS happens. one week, we all fell victim to the plague. (hacking chest cold plus sinus fun) another week we went on vacation. another week, it snowed so goddamn much i didn’t leave my house for days. as for our vacation…sadly, it wasn’t the FUN kind of vacation, it was the kind where the temperatures were 20 degrees lower than they promised, and we were all so cold we could barely move, let alone exercise. (i even brought my jump rope, but never got it out of my bag)

i’m trying to get back into the swing of things. i’m going to kenpo classes more often (been needing to do that anyways. it’ll get even better when i have some new material to work on) and when i can’t make it to a class, i workout at home. but still. 20 minutes of calisthenics, and i’m bushed. my husband says “it doesn’t wear me out that much… but my normal workout is twice that long.” gee, thanks for making me feel even more inadequate than i already do! it’s not his fault… he was just making conversation, and i tend to take things a little too personally as well as being a little too hard on myself.

i’d like to some day feel like i’m in shape… not just in shape for the average 30 year old housewife, but in shape in general. i don’t want to be a professional athlete, but i’d like to be at least in the middle of the standards for in shape young women. right now, i am not. i am in better shape than people who don’t exercise, but for people who do… i’m on the bottom tier. i hate that. it pisses me off. the worst part, is that there is nobody to blame but myself. i’ve been running for over a year, but haven’t improved because i can’t keep a steady schedule. i’ve been doing pushups for a while, but haven’t improved in them because i just don’t do them enough. i’m my own worst enemy… i’m frustrated. i’m trying, but i’m not trying hard enough.

i wish it would stop fucking snowing.

Sent from the iPad of me.


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